More than Surviving

It was one of those moments that I will probably always remember. Kevin and I were slowly walking down the hall to our hotel room feeling exhausted and defeated, watching Lincoln run full speed (& loudly) down the long corridor (although he's been told numerous times to walk quietly) and the girls are somehow simultaneously racing and arguing over who's turn it is to open the hotel room (much like they had moments ago argued over who's turn it was to push the elevator buttons). I look up to him and ask "Are we going to survive parenthood?" He offered no overwhelming assurances at the moment, because it was in that pure exhaustion that he could offer me no promises. The point is I know we will. I know that these years will "fly by" just like everyone who has experienced them warns us. They encourage us to enjoy them while they're little, to love every moment because before we know it, they'll be all grown up. But if I'm to be honest- there are days it is really hard to live in light of that wisdom.

For the last month Lincoln has been going to speech therapy 1 to 2 times a week. I have to admit, the first session I sat in silence and asked myself "really, this is what I'm paying for?" You see, all he honestly does is play. But as the sessions have gone on, I'm noticing that everything is very intentional and purposeful. As she plays with him, she is constantly repeating a word or sound. She rarely asks Lincoln to mimic it, but rather just keeps on playing making sounds. Soon enough my son, who always very stubbornly, adamantly and emphatically typically responds with an "uh-UH!" when asked to repeat a word, slowly starts to imitate her. This got me thinking about parenting. Do I parent my kids in the same way I normally play with Lincoln- just doing it, going through the motions, or do I parent with intent and purpose?

Are you seeing the link? I don't want to just "survive" parenting, (I want to enjoy it!) and I want my kid's lives to show intent and purpose. This is good to say and all, but living it out takes more work, more effort. It's not just discipling the issue, but getting at the heart. It's about taking the time to figure out what's at the source, and how to treat that- not just the surface. It's about working on my own walk with the Lord. Ephesians 5:1 challenges, "Be imitators of God, as beloved children." I need to work on this so that I can say like Paul in 1 Corinthians 4:16 "Therefore I exhort you, be imitators of me." My kids will imitate me- that's a given- but what will they imitate? Will it be my lack of self-control, my tendency to be quick to frustration, or will it be patience, kindness, a controlled tongue? Because most days the first 2 are what they see more of. You see, I'm currently knee-deep in the trenches of motherhood (somedays completely over my head!). Even as I write this, I'm sitting next to Rylin who has the flu and couldn't go to the Fall Festival. She interrupts me every 20 seconds with a completely unimportant question and she has apparently successfully caused me to "smell like throw-up" as Kacia mentioned to me when she hugged me goodbye. This is my life right now, I'm never alone (not even in the bathroom), it's never quiet, and I feel like every word I say falls on deaf ears. I have a daughter who is passionate and a bit type A. If a book she has read numerous times somehow gets a tiny rip in the spine- it's the end of the world! I don't know how to handle the overwhelming drama. She shares some of my struggles and is quick to anger and wears it on her face. I don't know how to respond to that. I have another daughter who's enthusiasm for life is incredible and totally exhausting! She currently has a tremendous fear of being alone and frantically calls out my name if she can't see me. If I'm in the laundry room and don't hear the first set of calls, she comes running down the hallway in sheer panic, tears in her eyes, looking for me. I've told her over and over again that I will not leave the house, but I need to be able to roam our home without informing her of my every move. I don't know what to do with that fear. And then I have a two old with limited speech but unlimited energy. And he's potty-training. This one doesn't need much more explanation. You see, most days, I look to the clock to see how much longer until bedtime. I look to the clock for relief rather than the Word. If I'm going to parent in a way that gets to their hearts- I've got to work on mine! I want to end each day knowing I showed my kids that I love them by intentionally parenting them rather than just "making" it to 7:30. I will survive, but the question is- will I take the time and effort to do more?

Retreat

My dear friend Suzy, joined us for a 2nd year. It's proven to be the best way to spend time together, and we are all so thankful she is willing to drive a little farther to meet up with us.

(I think we must be standing on a slope, I mean I know I'm short, but really??!!)

Our committee being a little silly with fruit from the centerpieces.

I love Women's Retreat! I look forward to it every year and every year it goes by too quickly!! This last weekend was no exception. The fellowship was wonderful, the games and shopping fun, the testimonies of my friends giving God glory for the work He has done and continues to do in their lives encouraging, and the challenges from the Word- incredible. So much to chew on as I sift through my notes, so much to work on, the conviction both overwhelming and yet welcome. I could make this a long post, with all the thoughts going on in my head, but instead I'll leave it with a verse that's been on repeat mode in my head: James 1:22 "But prove yourselves doers of the Word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves."

More Disneyland...

So this is my problem with being on facebook, and maintaining a blog. I realized I posted our pics from Disneyland on fb, but didn't document them here- which is more for me and the ability to quickly look back on certain years/months to remember what my kids were into.

So here's a few pics for those of you who are not on fb, and here's a few highlights I want to make sure to remember:

Kacia loving all the 'big' rides, but then leaning over and telling me in the middle of Indiana Jones, very matter-of-factly but not overly scared- "I HATE this ride." (She did decide later in the week it was fun, if you didn't look at all the spooky decorations). Kacia convincing me to go on Tower of Terror even though I don't love it, and then sitting at the top and wondering to myself why I was totally freaked out and she had the biggest grin on her face.

Kevin being so happy that he could share Space Mtn, Splash Mtn, Terror, etc with the girls and they liked it and wanted to go on them. Kevin actually staying off his phone and laptop for the majority of the week- something completely foreign to us!

Rylin practicing in the hotel room how to make herself taller after being told she was too small the first time she tried to go on Soaring. Then stretching so much she made the attendants laugh, and they let her go. She came running out to Lincoln and me- "Mom, I flew! I was flying right over you!!!" Rylin surprising me with her bravery and desire to go on every single ride she was tall enough for. Rylin trying to figure out what was real vs. pretend, "Is that real mom?" repeat, repeat, repeat (& hearing my realist Kacia answer her sister, no that's just a costume, etc.)

Lincoln being extremely hesitant at EVERYTHING in the beginning. It took him at least 2 times on most things to be able to relax enough to like it. Lincoln loved the Jungle Cruise, Dumbo, Teacups, and Bugs Life. He and I went on teacups 3 times in a row while the other 3 went on the Matterhorn. He's really hard to resist when he holds up his finger signaling to me "one more?" with his big, hopeful grin. Then he, Ry and I went on the caterpillar "chug chug" (train) 4 times in a row, and every time he laughed and told the caterpillar "no, no" when he burps at the end. (We went on that ride at least 15 times total, even the girls had it memorized and there's like 3+ different speeches Heimlech gives!) Lincoln wanting to like the characters, but honestly very scared of them. After they walked away he would do his sign for high 5, telling me he wanted to give them a high 5, but refusing to actually do so when they offered it. Loving, however, the princesses, and needing to make sure they always held his hands for the pictures.

A truly fun week with my family! What a blessed wife and mother I am!