So about a month ago, I was at a thing for church, and we all had to answer the question, "What is your favorite thing about being a mom?" This is a question that has stuck with me, and I have continued to ponder it. I think the reason why it's so hard to answer (aside from the fact that it was asked at 7pm on a Monday!) is because a lot of times I don't "feel" like I'm totally loving it, which of course brings on loads of guilt and this never ending question "What is wrong with me!!!???" But as I've chewed on this, here is what I've come up with:
1. I do love the cuddles and hugs. I love that with every scraped knee or harsh word by a friend- they come to me. I love that Rylin will come up to me randomly and ask me to sit with her on the couch because she "needs my cuddles". I love watching them play together- and actually like it! I love sneaking in the girls' room when they are sleeping and seeing them snuggled up to one another. I love their excitement and enthusiasm over even the smallest thing.
2. But in daily life, the 12 hours that mean the most- being a mom is WAY harder and selfless than I ever imagined. I'm not sure if my mom just made it look easy, or if I was completely in my own world, but I feel like I had no clue what I was getting myself into. It is draining and dare I say it- sometimes suffocating.
2. I hate discplining ALL day long. I hate how it wears me down. I hate repeating myself. I hate feeling like I'm hounding my kids to do or not to do the same things everyday. There are days when I feel like all I do is correct them, which can't be true because I know there are not days when all they do is the wrong thing!
3. The thing I love the most is also the thing that I struggle with the most- being a mother is one of God's greatest tools in sanctifying me! It is far easier to address their sin and discipline their issues, than it is to handle mine. And yet, it is in this journey that I see my sin the most, I see my need for a Savior in a whole new light, I see how I fall short, which is in no way enjoyable or fun! But is it necessary- yes. Is it molding me and changing me- I hope so.
4. I love being reminded that my unconditional love for my kids is also a hint at God's unconditional love for them and me. There is no one on this Earth that loves my kids more than I do, and there is nothing they can do to change that, which, knowing that my love for them is miniscule in comparison, it so greatly magnifies God's love. But on the other hand, my kids also daily live out a portion of this unconditional love for me. No matter how many times I lose it, am too harsh with my words, too impatient with my responses - they love me. They want my kisses goodnight, they wipe the slate clean, and at the end of the day (at least for now) I'm still their favorite person!
Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done, and yet it has rewards that I cannot even start to hit on. But it also has this incredible pressure, for each day passes and I can't get it back. I must invest in them, I must do the work, I must not be lazy in these young years if I desire for them to be people who will glorify the Lord. Yes, they are ultimately His, and yes, He will work in them despite my failures, but still I must be faithful. Faithful to daily seek Him, faithful to rely on Him (I can't do it on my own anyways!) and faithful to follow His instructions.
And here's some pictures of when it snowed back in February (I had just packed all the snow clothes and heavy coats a few days before!) We went to Bre's because she actually had enough to make a snowman. This is because you deserve some pictures if you read this long post, and if you didn't read it- at least you can see the 3 little ones I love more than life itself!
