8

Friday marked 8 years since my mom went home to be with the Lord. Eight. Eight years since I have held her hand or stroked her hair. Eight.

There are days when 8 seems so long, and I think "How can it be 8 years already?" But mostly I think, "Only 8? Really? Because it seems like forever!"

Think about how much has changed since she passed away. I went from being a young bride, to a mother of three. Kaitlin & James were the ages then of Michael & Allie now. Michael & Allie were a little bit younger than my oldest daughter is now. Breanna went from being the mom of toddlers, to teenagers. Tim went from being a college student to, oops- still a student! (Just kidding Tim :) I couldn't resist!) He is married, has not only his degree, but his masters and is working on his phd. James went from a small, quiet boy, to a strong, confident, young man. And Kaitlin, my mom's baby, is now taking care of her own baby! Life does anything but stand still!

I found it quite fitting that I was able to be in one of my mom's favorite places over the weekend- the Oregon coast. How she loved the ocean! Each time we go, Kevin knows that I like to escape by myself and go and sit in the sand, reflect & pray. So my opportunity arose when Lincoln fell asleep in the car at a difficult time. I dropped the rest of the family off at our friends' campsite, and I went and parked in front of the sea. I sat in my car, staring at God's incredible portrait of power, might, creativity, beauty and control, and I cried. It has been years since I have cried over the loss of my mom, but staring out there, the tears started to fall. I looked at that beach, and I could pick the exact spot that she would've parked her chair. I could see her sitting there in her visor, burying her feet in the sand and laughing at Lincoln as he ran from the waves to the sand with such determination and enthusiasm. I could see her playing in the waves with Kacia, and looking for shells with Rylin. Sometimes I wish so much that she could know my kids, experience life with them, and even more- that they could know her. But I know that my God is good. I know that He is perfect, I know that He has His reasons for taking her home, and most days that is enough. But looking at the waves, remembering so many vacations and memories I shared there with her, I simply missed her. I know that I will always miss her, but I also know that I can always rest in the fact that she is enjoying eternity in Heaven with her Lord, and someday, because of the blood of Christ, and the grace He has shown to me, so will I. So thankful to God for the mom that He gave me, and so incredibly thankful for the Son that He gave for us!