Friday, February 19, 2010

My Mental Game


This is the start of the day. I'm starring at that map and wondering what I got myself into! (And yes, we did take the lift up to the very, very top!)
The incredible view of Lake Tahoe from the gondola ride.




I was 24 the first time I strapped ski boots on. (By the way, could they make those things any more awkward to walk in?!) Kevin has skied since he was like 3, and we had talked about me learning the sport. Well, one day Kevin came home with the cutest girly skis in the trunk of his car, and I was really excited about this new adventure. That was at least, until I actually went to the mountain!
It took both Kevin and James just to help me stand in line to get on to the chair lift! Even the slightest little uneven ground made me lose all control. Well, I'm not sure how long it actually took me to get down my first run, but it might be a record (and not the good kind). And to say that I hated the sport would be an understatement! I was absolutely miserable, terribly embarrassed, sore and completely dreading having to go again. A part of me did want to learn, Idid want to be a mom who skied with her kids, rather than watch from the lodge, but I had no clue that what looks so easy and fun, could be so extremely difficult for me!
Since Kevin had invested in the skis I knew I couldn't just give up after 1 really hard day. Had they just been rentals, I'm quite certain I would have never gone again! But we did. That season we went up about 3 or 4 more times for night skiing. Kevin was patient and we have 2 friends who had previously taught the sport to youngsters, and they helped a great deal. I ended that season seeing how this could eventually be fun.
The next year we went on a trip to Bend. Kacia was 1, so I only went up once. I had a good day, saw some progress, and was anxious to continue practicing so that I could someday get off the bunny slopes.
That was January 2005. I had not skied since. Then we went to Tahoe this last week. I was a little nervous about hitting the slopes after such a long gap, but I was reassured that after a run or two I would pick up right where I had stopped.
What I was not told was how massive Heavenly is! The views were incredible and we had the perfect weather. But I quickly realized that compared to my comfort zone on Easy Street in Mt. Shasta- these were vastly different runs that I now found myself on.
There were some moments of panic, some "can I just slide down on butt?" and some really fun parts of the runs. But what I also learned is that this is a total mental game!
As I watched 4 year olds cruise down with their instructors- I envied them. I envied that they were learning this sport when they had no real mental awareness of the dangers, or no crazy game going on inside their heads to hold them back. Because here I was at 30, totally frozen as I listened to the snowboarders quickly approaching me on all sides and I was stuck facing left. You see, I turn to the left great! In fact, I even turn left when I don't want to, my legs just do it. But turning right is another story all together. My legs, my knees, my feet, my skis- they don't like turning right. The problem with this is, that when you are standing at the top of a run that is way too steep (for me) to just point the skis down and fly, the other option is to zig-zag your way down. And this option left me often frozen on the mountain facing left, and wanting desperately to just survive getting down. I never talk out loud to myself. But here I was on this mountain, verbally say "turn, turn, turn....you can do this, you can do this..."
It was a funny, beautiful, challenging day. I learned that I still have a long way to go (my goal is that by the time Lincoln is ready to leave the bunny slope, I too will be comfortable doing so). I saw again how extremely patient my husband can be. I saw again how when faced with a challenge, it is best to just leave me alone so I can do it, and Kevin is great at encouraging me but also at giving me space. And I did have fun! Amongst the moments of sheer panic and frustration, there were also moments of pure adrenaline and fun. I learned that this mental game can and will be conquered and I will not forever see only the left side of a mountain. And I saw God's beautiful creation from a vantage point that I have never seen before, and it is completely and totally breathtaking!

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